Honesty

Honesty is like a puppy. People train and make it work accordingly. It remains faithful to the master. But it may hurt you and a few others at times. The funny thing is that all of us feign willingness to have it. Let's not blame anyone. Let's agree to keep it as a pet. Nothing wrong! Our relationships depend a lot on this pet of ours and how we use it.

Honesty is a pillar in every relationship. We develop our own sense of it. When we start building a relationship, we calculate how much honesty needs to be invested. Not everyone can calculate well. Those who can, remain happy. Those who can't, sometimes, use more or less than what is necessary. Once again, no outsider can actually tell you how much you need. Of course, there are some golden rules.

The first of the rules is that never believe the other person's claim about how much honesty he/she can take. Almost all of us lie while making such claims. Those who don't lie often end up hurting themselves. A demand for absolute honesty is foolish. Don't ever fall prey to it.

The next important rule is to remember that tolerance or acceptance of honesty keeps fluctuating. So assuming that you can maintain a certain level of honesty in a relationship can backfire. Remaining alert to the highs and lows can help.

The last thing is that discuss honesty with people outside the zone of your relationships to know how it works. Those who have nothing to expect from you can give you a better picture. Pay attention. Such people are helpful.

What is evident is that honesty is not a point to be achieved. It is a dynamic continuum. Learning to move flexibly and intelligently on this continuum can help one build and maintain happy relationships.     

How not to do...

It is, somehow, very necessary to learn how not to do. Action is a necessity. Life requires actions. What do actions mean? Do they mean only doing? No, they don't. They also mean not doing. Because not doing also involves doing. It involves thinking. It is like confining a tiger to a cell. We spend some energy for enabling ourselves not to do something.

Let's analyze a little more. Not doing varies from one person to another. One thing to another too. No one will contest that. So it may be difficult to understand what not doing means for another person. But one thing is certain that the willingness to not do something involves not liking something you are doing. Now, before learning not to do, we must know whether it is worth not doing. How will we know that? You are in the best position to decide. Of course, you must invest some logical thinking in it. Being objective is a tough task. Nobody can stop you from trying though.

At times, confusion and dilemma may affect your decision-making. Morality can be a mote in the mind's eye. Societal thinking gets deep into us. Gradually, we lose our ability to exercise free will and rational thinking. However, it is not a vicious circle. Don't believe in any philosopher talking about an escapeless-process. Just foster the belief that you are capable of questioning. Don't worry. You will be on the track of free will, a trackless track.

Another factor is knowing how not doing helps you in being happy. Add one more- how it keeps you from hurting others and occupying others' territory. Yes, you are there. Now , you can start learning how not to do.